for the last few weeks, i have been mostly focusing on myself: playing games, working on hobbies and relaxing, but i have also been trying to develop my sense of self and, furthermore, my style. i feel as if, in the last few years, the building blocks have been created, but i just haven't tried putting them in place. we'll see.

of course, my sense of self also includes my gender. although i still feel pretty uncomfortable with how i am, i have been making little steps in the right direction. for example, i have been buying clothes that i have been wanting for a long time, and i feel so much nicer with them on. we'll see.

all of my social problems have slowly been fading into the background for the last few weeks, which is quite nice. hopefully, when i return to sixth form in a few weeks, i can start afresh. my biggest issue is, i need to stop giving a fuck about what other people think and just enjoy myself. which, i think im getting better at. we'll see.

in terms of my academics, im trying not to think much about it right now. my future currently rides on what grades i get - not academically, more socially (i can manage academically) - so i suppose we will just have to see.

here are the songs i love the most right now:

i have been listening to this song on repeat for like 4 weeks. something about what it conveys.

this song feels like a warm hug. i love this album to death. i am just so obsessed with it, and i even rate it above currents - which is an objectively better album - because i know and feel connected to the context. although i haven't lost anybody close to me yet, i can really understand the feeling, in a weird way.

i am really obsessed with the motif of cold and warm at the moment, and the contrast of the feeling of warm and cold. feeling warmth in the coldest of places. something i can't explain. that's probably why im so obsessed with Snowpiercer right now, but ill leave talking about Snowpiecer to the next update.

bye bye.

me?